David Housman

Adam Greco: Fact Behind Fiction

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Few have watched Bobby Fischer play chess. Rarely does one see inside a mighty locomotive. Recently I was invited for a 1 on 1 interview with Adam Greco, author of The Adobe SiteCatalyst Handbook, Senior Partner at Web Analytics Demystified, and maven of the Web Analytics industry. Greco helped arm the Digital Analytics revolution with knowledge. My journalistic instincts would not allow me pass up this opportunity.

In preparation, I spoke with a few locals that knew Adam well. First we spoke to a barista a the local Starbucks:

Barista: “He comes in to the store every day and asks to “espress himself”. It was never funny. When you see him, tell him that he needs to return the restroom key. It’s not his ‘vacation commode’ or whatever he calls it”

Then I spoke to Adam’s personal magician Frederick:

Fredrick the Magician: “Adam loves the trick where I pull flowers from my sleeve. He makes me perform it over and over. Even after I showed him how it works, he’s still amazed. “

Thus, I traveled to Adam’s compound. Adam greeted me at his home with an unassuming nature that instantly set me at ease.

Adam: “Welcome to my pleasure palace, or as I like to call it, The Grecopolis.”

Greco was so likeable and disarming that for the moment, I set aside my curiosity about why he was wearing a pair of well-worn footy pajamas at 3 in the afternoon . The interview commensed on Adam’s deck.

Me: “You’re like a celebrity in our industry and a hero to so many. How did you get started?”

Adam deftly sipped his glass of distilled baby tears and stared into the distance. “When I was young, I invented ‘MANalytics’, a measurement system for aspiring pickup artists to track conversion on their romantic campaigns. Greco Inc. was a real company, founded to sell MANalytics online.”

Me: “What do you think you’ll be remembered for?”

Adam: “I don’t know; I’ve done so many memorable things. I hope people will remember that I was the original inventor of the eVar. It came to me in a dream in 1977 after a bender in Tijuana” Greco sat up, pointed his finger and seemed to stab at the sky. “Without me, Omniture would be nothing. NOTHING I tell you .” Greco rose and shook my hand.  “This was lovely. But I must go..”

Me: “But we’ve only spoken for 10 minutes”

Greco: “Great question. It’s just this thing where… Hey is that Mel Gibson?”

Me: “Mel Gibson! Where?”

With that, Greco threw a handful of glitter into my eyes. Fighting to see through glittery tears, I watched him depart.

Later, I recovered and was preparing to escape, when Greco moonwalked back into the room, wearing an orange Adidas tracksuit, an alarm clock around his neck, and a grille on his teeth.

Greco: “Say hello to Fly Adam G, the fourth Beastie Boy I be. Let’s kick it.” Adam Greco began to beatbox, his body bobbing and swaying with the beat.

2015-03-16_08-50-07greco

“My tracking be ill
My analyses kill
I wish I could stop
But I ain’t got the will… power that is. WORD.”

I complimented him on his rhythmic mastery. We walked outside and I thanked Greco for his time.

I hope that this article helps the reader appreciate the depth and intricacies of the man behind the mystery, a lyrical genius, and the original inventor of the eVar,  Mr. Adam Greco.

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